So, I've been back in San Francisco for roughly a week now. And one of the odd things was walking back to class last Monday I realized I had missed it.
I mean, sorta. It wasn't like I was sitting around in Detroit missing the Bay, but once I was here I found myself giving the Ferry Building a fond look as I walked by. Which, honestly, was a surprise to me. Because when I first got here, I pretty much hated the city. It didn't click with me, despite people telling me I'd love it, and while the weather is certainly nice I feel like I could have the stuff I have here for cheaper elsewhere. There's nothing, well, special about SF in my mind to say this was a good city to live in.
But then of course, I have to leave and realize that yeah, okay, maybe I do like this little city. And my roomies who like to sit and talk, and teammates who can't help but smile every time I hiccup, and classes this Mod that are simply a~mazing.
What also struck me coming back, or maybe rather when I was loading the car to go to the airport, was that this is the first time I where I can't say when I'll be back.
In undergrad, it was for pretty much every holiday and break. And even when I went off to Ethiopia I knew that come August 2014 I'd be back in Detroit for a decent stretch. Then for grad school I knew I'd be back for Christmas, but now....now....
I honestly can't say. I'm not planning on flying out there for Easter. Or my March break. Or even, most likely, after graduation. That, that was it. A side hug in the back hallway from my mom, my brother in the basement on the couch, my sister loading her own car, my dad giving me a hug before handing me my suitcase at the terminal.
Can you call someplace home, even internally and as one of two or three, if you may not see it for years? Is this that first step towards only seeing siblings every five years for family reunions? Will I now see my immediate family as often as I see cousins? I'm not sure I'm ready for that, I missed two years of us all home for school holidays. I already went a long time without seeing my family, it might be a little too soon to do that again. (Though granted, this time I can call them once a week, send texts every day. It makes a huge, huge difference). We didn't even take a family Christmas photo that I could have printed to stick on my wall.
Sometimes, often, being an adult super sucks. And is depressing. And well, makes me regret I said no playing that one night of cards, or didn't sneak into my sister's bed to snuggle with her, or see Yiayia one extra time.
Gah.
I guess at this point, all I can do is go forward and make sure I take as big as steps as possible. If I'm far away, I better be happy and successful to make it worth it. Dean's List every mod, aggressive job searching, here I come!
I mean, sorta. It wasn't like I was sitting around in Detroit missing the Bay, but once I was here I found myself giving the Ferry Building a fond look as I walked by. Which, honestly, was a surprise to me. Because when I first got here, I pretty much hated the city. It didn't click with me, despite people telling me I'd love it, and while the weather is certainly nice I feel like I could have the stuff I have here for cheaper elsewhere. There's nothing, well, special about SF in my mind to say this was a good city to live in.
But then of course, I have to leave and realize that yeah, okay, maybe I do like this little city. And my roomies who like to sit and talk, and teammates who can't help but smile every time I hiccup, and classes this Mod that are simply a~mazing.
What also struck me coming back, or maybe rather when I was loading the car to go to the airport, was that this is the first time I where I can't say when I'll be back.
In undergrad, it was for pretty much every holiday and break. And even when I went off to Ethiopia I knew that come August 2014 I'd be back in Detroit for a decent stretch. Then for grad school I knew I'd be back for Christmas, but now....now....
I honestly can't say. I'm not planning on flying out there for Easter. Or my March break. Or even, most likely, after graduation. That, that was it. A side hug in the back hallway from my mom, my brother in the basement on the couch, my sister loading her own car, my dad giving me a hug before handing me my suitcase at the terminal.
Can you call someplace home, even internally and as one of two or three, if you may not see it for years? Is this that first step towards only seeing siblings every five years for family reunions? Will I now see my immediate family as often as I see cousins? I'm not sure I'm ready for that, I missed two years of us all home for school holidays. I already went a long time without seeing my family, it might be a little too soon to do that again. (Though granted, this time I can call them once a week, send texts every day. It makes a huge, huge difference). We didn't even take a family Christmas photo that I could have printed to stick on my wall.
 |
| Tried to find my most recent family photo, and all I could find was this of all the cousins in the summer of 2011. Man, people have gotten married since then. |
Sometimes, often, being an adult super sucks. And is depressing. And well, makes me regret I said no playing that one night of cards, or didn't sneak into my sister's bed to snuggle with her, or see Yiayia one extra time.
Gah.
I guess at this point, all I can do is go forward and make sure I take as big as steps as possible. If I'm far away, I better be happy and successful to make it worth it. Dean's List every mod, aggressive job searching, here I come!
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